I got lucky because I saw behind the curtain. Then the blood ran free. Our fealty was total. You dont want to go digging, Jim, he told my father. They stole your sense of self-respect and ruined your sense of boundaries.. In the second week of June, Dr. Kerrow called. I have told this story, or some version of it, dozens of times since then. This article is about alumni of St Paul's School, Concord. The milk filled me up more than the water did. Previously, Rick was a Dean at Graland Country Da y School. Weve said it before: The greatest threat to democracy from the media isnt disinformation, its the paywall. Crawfords telling is beautifully rendered. Rick Brocato . She said she believes Giles is first and foremost trying to serve students in the schools care now, and that she is working with Giles because she shares that goal. Reading Crawfords book, I realized three things about her time in high school. Nothing really changes about the story of that first rape, presented in the opening pages of the book. Thank you! She manages to convey, simultaneously, her own childhood self-recrimination and empathy for her childhood self. More interesting to Crawford is the silence over the decades that followed the attack and the power structures in place that kept her a 15-year-old girl from speaking her truth and seeking help. They let the boys graduate. The assault took place just before Halloween of what wasusing the English termsmy fifth-form year at St. Pauls School in Concord, New Hampshire. In the dining hall, I sipped ice water onto my tongue and then tipped my head back to let it run down my throat, because the act of swallowing caused the glass-edge to grind into me again. I have had to put together these few weeks from documents that remain: medical reports and what has been shared with me of the criminal case file from 1991. The culture from my throat had tested positive for Herpes Simplex Virus. Perhaps I was just being dramatic. The pediatrician did not talk to me about herpes simplex virus, those herpetic lesions meant to be treated with Zovirax. The pediatrician employed by the school to come in and care for us in the infirmary saw me briefly that day, and wrote on my chart, See outpatient report. There are lines that keen. That was all just fine with the school. //LBtag_id.innerHTML = ''; His body seemed to pause in its animation, and he wore a look I had never seen before. As soon as it became clear that there would be no charges, the school, which had been so certain I was a criminal drug dealer, found no reason not to enroll me for the sixth form. Future Hall of Famer Rick Barry was on the Nets at that time, with the Nets using the same gym and the same locker rooms concurrently with the St. Paul's students. In her new memoir, Lacy Crawford names the educators who, she says, knowingly hid her rape from the police and engaged in witness tampering: Bill Matthews, John Buxton, Cliff Gillespie, and Kelly Clark, teachers and administrators at the school. In July, a call came in. When she sent me there, Mom sent me into her new world. Maybe just get a little more sleep?. What could be done to address this? He did not test me for any diseases, sexually transmitted or otherwise. When Elisabeth Finch met Jennifer Beyer in 2019, the two women forged a fiercely loyal friendship, and eventually got married. This time, the infirmary sent me to see an ear-nose-and-throat doctor in Concord, a proper physician. September 11, 2019. Shes not a good girl.. Dr. Kerrow asked me to tell her exactly what had happened. It happens all the time, everywhere. They took turns orally raping her. St. Paul's, like a number of other private boarding schools, including Phillips Academy, Choate Rosemary Hall, Phillips Exeter Academy, the Hotchkiss School and St. George's School,. var sellablestring = "MONITOR STAFF"; When you purchase an independently reviewed book through our site, we earn an affiliate commission. St. Pauls is one of the great WASP New England boarding schools. He did not tell me and he did not tell my parents and he did not tell my doctors. Those still surviving, no doubt, continue to maintain their goodness. It seemed to me that all I had ever done was try to give them what they wanted. Her body has never seen this virus before and is mounting a mighty response. Basically, my father said, his voice rasping, theyre promising to destroy you. The rasp terrified me. He would have hoisted his trophy high over his head in front of them all. }, Lacy Crawford and her brother at St. Paul's School in Concord in the early 1990s. I dont believe that the problem of sexual violence is caused by individuals and I dont believe the solution will come from individuals, Crawford said. The case is currently suspended, and the City will be reviewing what if any documents can be released at this time.. My parents began holding conversations related to St. Pauls together in my dads office, in the den down at the end of the hall. But as Beyer would soon realize, Finchs past wasnt what she claimedand Beyers own difficult history was up for the taking. My mother did not come downstairs for dinner that night. We admire her courage and respect her voice. Dad lowered the page and aimed his eyes at me, querulous and hard, with my mother beside him avoiding my face. My parents did not speak to me again about what happened at St. Pauls. This makes it hard for us to argue that things are different than they once were. The men wanted to destroy her for it. Id like to think that it was an impulse to self-care that sent me to the infirmary to get checked out, but I know it wasnt. Crawford was not yet prepared to bear witness to these relative strangers; the adults in her life were more comfortable with or interested in her silence than her words. The fight, or not? The school never said anything to me. The following is a list of alumni of St. Paul's School. I was assaulted in privilege; I have survived in privilege. Unless you were willing to access a girls medical records without her consent and share what you found there with the administration (and all of her schoolmates). There was a St. Pauls student in the nineteenth century who reported to the infirmary one morning with a sore throat and was dead the next day. https://www.nytimes.com/2020/07/07/books/review/notes-on-a-silencing-lacy-crawford.html, In her authors note, Lacy Crawford writes, This is, among other things, a story of slander, of how an institution slandered a teenage girl to coerce her into silence.. Bill Matthews responded calmly: How do we know she didnt give it to the boys?. But nobody started that conversation, so we never did. Its Not So Black and White: Gisele Bndchen, Self-Professed Witch of Love, Talks About It All, The supermodel is super ready for her next act, as she enjoys the. St. Paul Schools is located in St. Paul, AR. The Parallel Universe of Ivanka Trump, Americas Dissociated Princess No, I Am Not Okay: A Black Journalist Addresses His White Friends Why Bankrupt Hertz Is a Pandemic Zombie Scenes of Fury and Mourning at the Minneapolis Protests Civil Rights Advocate Brandi Collins-Dexter on Why Facebook Chooses Trump Over Democracy Democrats Blue-Texas Fever Dream May Finally Become a Reality From the Archive: Taking Stock of Melania Trump, the UnpreparedAnd LonelyFLOTUS. According to the physicians report, the clinician in Concord was able to numb my throat and look past my tonsils to see that the hypopharyngeal space, where the esophagus meets the trachea, was badly abscessed. But thats all the notes show. Upon this foundation, young men and women from diverse backgrounds are challenged to be their personal best in academics, athletics, fine arts, and service to others, as they prepare for the rigors of college and lifelong learning. Thats what bothered him most? The last thing I would do was align myself with her needs. Hers is not a story of triumph over adversity, nor does she provide a reflection on how she achieved peace. Id waited so long to say something. 11152 Falls Road P.O. Back in Lake Forest, home for the summer before senior year, Mom took me to see my pediatrician. AHHHHH! She pressed my tongue down with her wooden stick, and when she did I felt the tug of the back of my tongue where it met my throat, and how even that hurt. And I think what we have with your case is the smoking gun, Curtin, who now works for the attorney generals office, said to Crawford. Police told Crawford back in late 2016 that her case file contained the smoking gun that would prove the school engaged in witness tampering. But what was there struck a note so sharp I could hear it, a chip of ice so cold it must be the hard center. Years later, in 2015-2016, the local police in Concord, New Hampshire, began investigating a new rape case at St. Pauls that led them back to the rape of Lacy Crawford in 1991. tag_id.innerHTML = ''; The authorities were not notified. Beneath how many streetlights did I linger? Would like to speak with you about [a patient], reads the message. St. Paul's School is a 9th through 12th grade coeducational boarding school. Theres no mention of a diagnostic process at all. var photocredit = photocredit.toUpperCase(); The nurse took my temperature (normal) and told me strep was going around. The St. Paul's Voice - Middle School; Page and Epistle; Calendar; Dining Services; Covid-19 Information. Crawford is 29 years old when an ex-boyfriend calls to ask if he should be worried that he contracted herpes from her. She was from a well-to-do Chicago family, her father an executive and her mother an Episcopal priest. We later hear of other assaults that followednot all of which Crawford describes as such. I was hung up on that word. They were successful, for a time. Notes on a Silencing also left me with a deep heartache and little relief, though Crawford offers up moments of reprieve where she can. Salvation was not on the other side of that wall, only further violation. Through social media posts, court records, and other primary sources, author Kathleen Hale forensically reconstructs their lives before the crime, and the night they were killed. My mind forgets them anew, the white blast of nothing deploying like an airbag at the memorys approach. I have wondered if Im able to lose these particulars again and again because I know theyre written down, so I dont have to take care of thembut this is a curious piece of anthropomorphism. var currentheadline = document.getElementById("headline").innerText; With this book, she seeks, instead, to make it about the shame of these powerful men. That outpatient report he referred to from the ENT in Concord was never shown to me or to anyone who cared for me, and it is now lost to timeor, as documents would come to suggest, to more pointed interventions. My parents stood side by side in front of me. They did, however, apparently find reason to enlighten my schoolmates about one thing. Isnt anyone catching this? I hope she is successful. These men in power, however, worked not to protect the young, but to protect the rights that came with power and status. Well have to hire a lawyer., To protect you. When I did not reply, my mother burst into tears. In light of St. Paul's School's increasingly shameful history, in addition to its "entitled" disregard of church canon laws - including that former bishop who as headmaster engaged in a. Id never told anybody Id taken the drug for a short while. My motivation and my actions were to show my experience of the schools covering something up and actively hurting a student., She continued, If Concord police then uncovered a document that, for some reason, the attorney generals office says, We wont be able to use that because lawyers for the school will do something to get it struck, I would think that they would do everything in their power to find another way. Crawford will always remember what happened that night, but its not the sexual assault that demands her focus almost 30 years later. They had not previously been on a first-name basis. It was warm, deep in my throat. They have specifically instructed us not to send them anything else. The priests knew, the teachers knew, the deans knew. My father prided himself on sensibility and calm. He looked over her shoulder at me and shook his head. A 20-something ski instructor gets her drunk and has sex with her as she lies there, paralyzed and numb. He said, That the two boys were not the only ones. Try again, she instructed. The rector during my time there, Kelly Clark, had previously been head of the Berkeley Divinity School at Yale. But that never happened. Id had literally hundreds of occasions to speak up. Crawford had yet to have sex. '"; The St. Paul community is distinguished by . I imagine I could have convinced a court I had never sold drugs. 0. Five, Lacy is not welcome as a student at St. Pauls School.. Four, Lacy is a promiscuous girl who has had intercourse with a number of boys on campus, including the accused. I gargled the sound. Who told them? Tears escaped the corners of my eyes and ran along my hairline, into my ears. Youd be surprised what a clinician can miss. Vanity Fair may earn a portion of sales from products that are purchased through our site as part of our Affiliate Partnerships with retailers. The records that remained of my visit appear woefully incomplete. Nearly two years have passed since the attorney generals office announced the conclusion of its investigation. And I had chosen not to until now? MacDonald explained that a conflict arose because Concord police had open and ongoing investigations, and, consequently, would need to have direct contact with school officials. I did not contact Concord police and report my assault ever. The boys saw, of course. The Latest Chapter Of The St. Paul's Saga. Here is a 15-year-old girl swallowing blood. What happened to me at St. Pauls happens everywhere, Crawford, now 45, said in an interview with the Monitor. Id spit in the sink and then open my mouth again, wider, and peer down my nose until my eyeballs ached because there had to be something there. The impact of this violation only sharpened with time. Covid-19 Testing Locations; . 2023 Cond Nast. They just stood there, opaque, like a WASP update of that exhausted hardscrabble couple in American Gothicgraph paper instead of pitchfork clutched in Dads hand. highest level clan in coc 2020; rick banner st paul's school. . My father walked down the hall to the den where he kept his home office to call the vice rector. I had lost almost ten pounds. The suspicion is that she has a sexually transmitted disease so deep in her throat it cannot be seen on a normal exam. And maybe against the school. Lacy. NOTES ON A SILENCINGA MemoirBy Lacy Crawford. Just days before that medical exam, she disclosed the sexual assault to her mother. The moment when he might have laughed at that drug-dealing bit had passed. After these calls, the administration, as the school would later tell the Concord Police Department, conducted its own internal investigation. I was still on campus, since the year had not ended, but their investigation did not include talking to me. Only a fool walked into what I had walked into. I have told it to parents and friends and therapists. This ended the investigation into decades of destroying lives, Crawfords and others. I dont know yet. Id have been at home in Lake Forest, taking my Zovirax. School leadership talked to people about me. To which Id reply: Youd be surprised what a kid can find it unimaginable to say. And she knew what would happen if shed served as a witness to her violation. She tries to run by him, and he sticks his tongue down her throat. Taking a day off from work is a luxury that farmers cannot afford.This particular reality is something that Cameron Huftalen is all too familiar Alex Ray feeds lots of people, both in the Granite State and awar zone thousands of miles away.Hes the founder and owner of a restaurant Stay informed with our free email updates. First, they refused to believe me. You are the smoking gun.. The head of school is the rector, and for a century and a half almost all of the schools rectors had been ordained priests. Because the Concord Police Department must continue to investigate past and future crimes at the School, we have concluded the conflict cannot be resolved.. Those honoredplayers, coaches, managers, statisticians--have set the standards and provided the leadership that have helped enable the successes of the St. Paul's athletics program. This time the erasure was committed by men whose power over me was socially conferred rather than physically wielded, some of them who had never even been in a room with me. A damsel, a whore. There is a powerful lesson in this: We dont need to know more to understand what happened. Why now? is a logical fallacy. My throat was hard against the threat of vomit, which would have burned terribly. Even once I found out a few months later about the vice rectors bit of patriarchal counsel to his boys, I did not do the math to arrive at the realization made by a detective investigating the school more than 25 years after the fact: So the students knew about the herpes before you did.. Would the school be talking to the parents of the boys? Dating him made Crawford a member of the community again. In separate conversations with Crawford, the detectives informed her that the attorney generals office had severed ties with the department as it concerned the broader criminal investigation of St. Pauls. To which Id reply: Youd be surprised what a kid can find it unimaginable to say. It fails to dispute the claim and tries to portray the victim as predator, the one with a clever plan. The question he should be asking is Why again? As Crawford points out: Id talked about the assault in 1991 too, and had been assured that if I continued to do so in the context of a criminal investigation, I would be expelled from school and slandered up and down the Eastern Seaboard. She stopped telling after that many St. Pauls students did, as she comes to find out in adulthood though the slandering happened anyway and it did not stop at the Eastern Seaboard. We are not going to do anything to mute that voice at this point. Dozens of teachers on campus knew me and would have been in a position to help. var currentheadline = document.getElementById("headline").innerText; In her own home, a friend of her father stands before her drunk in his boxers and harasses her. var currentLocation = window.location; Call returned, noted someone else. My pediatrician did when I was 16. Use of this site constitutes acceptance of our User Agreement and Privacy Policy and Cookie Statement and Your California Privacy Rights. Its not what we wanted for our daughter. But we should not fool ourselves. You might think how ill-conceived this was. No one was going to help. Elise had quotes posted all about her room, and Crawford writes one of them down for herself, a passage from T.S. var sellablestring = "MONITOR STAFF"; tag_id.innerHTML = ''; We have 532 students and 113 faculty, with students from 37 states and 24 countries, and 40% receive financial aid. Before we all left campus that spring, a vice rector sat down with members of the boys varsity lacrosse team and told them that he didnt want to ask any questions, but if any of them had ever been intimate with Lacy Crawford, he should go to the infirmary right away to get checked out. He heard she had it from someone his sister met at a bar in Los Angeles. var photocredit = photocredit.toUpperCase(); They held her down. I have been told that this happened both on the lacrosse field and in a teachers apartment. Lacy told her parents about what happened months after her first rape. They still never have. There was not a shred of evidence of that, not the smallest whisper. In a letter dated June 26, Attorney General Gordon MacDonald wrote Crawfords editor to say the information chronicled in chapter 12 of Notes on a Silencing does not tell the full story. What interests me is the near impossibility of telling what happened in a way that discharges its power. Its so simple, what happened at St. Pauls. Any student caught doing so was immediately and publicly disciplined, most likely expelled; besides, there was a tight ecosystem of students involved in illicit substances, and not one of them would claim membership with me. But as the story unfolds, we realize something different: that men like Bill Matthews, Kelly Clark, John Buxton, and Cliff Gillespie, who had dedicated their lives to education and to their faith, were not there for her. A popular teammate who throws her arm around Crawfords shoulder after her coach has shamed her, a queer female priest who invites a crying Crawford to cuddle her dog, the glamorous mother of an old classmate who gives this pitch-perfect response when Crawford worries shes made some bad decisions since the assault. Youre devastated. My father turned and took her into his arms. If Id been so upset, why hadnt I alerted a teacher or advisor straight away? Best Match Powered by Whitepages Premium AGE 50s Rick Michael Banner Canton, OH (Northeast Canton) Aliases Richard Michael Banner View Full Report Addresses They may not have personally plunged the paddle deep into those young boys, but they certainly helped. At some point I made the necessary formal statement over the phone that I did not wish the police to move forward with criminal charges. Service of Others," the third event in our yearlong series celebrating 50 years of coeducation at St. Paul's School. Then you could say whatever you wanted. The community that forms around St. Paul's School students is lifelong a source of friendship, support and mentorship. My parents came in, looking pale. Notes on a Silencing is testimony that institutions of power insisted, for decades, that no one hear. Youd be surprised what a clinician can miss. Crawfords writing is astonishing. Christina Norton, Administrative Assistant of Religious Education, please call (860) 828-1934 ext 125.